I have found my heroes.
They have endured more trauma in their first 3 years of life than many of us every see in our lifetime. As a result of pre-natal neglect, our darlin boy, adopted 6 years this July, has Cerebral Palsy and takes Bo-tox injections in his leg to try to help him walk. This process involves three or four needles (large) being injected six to eight times directly into his hamstring and/or leg muscles. Occasionally the injections are in his ankle. Needless to say the pain is beyond belief as there is nothing to be done for it. Holding him while he screams for it to be over and "Mommy make them stop" is enough to rip out your heart strings. The urge to snatch him up and run as far away with him as I can to protect him is overwhelming. Thing is, this prevents him from having to use a walker or be wheelchair bound. There is nothing else to be done.
His response to all this? Before, he is miserable and stressed out, so we only have his physiotherapist tell him the night before. The day of, he is resigned until we arrive at the clinic, and then needs to be peeled out of the van. In the waiting room, he braves it out for the other kids, helping the little ones and coming to us for hugs. Afterwards? He is even more resolved to become a doctor-scientist to invent a better way for Bo-tox to be given to children so it ouches less. In his words, "Mommy, they can learn from me. I can show them that being disabled doesn't stop you from doing stuff. I can show them, Mommy, that's what God is showing me. There is a better way."
Our daughter, 12 years and his biological sister, carries her disablities on the inside, invisible to outsiders who are quick to judge and slow to accept. She struggles daily, to brave this world and to learn to trust that it is indeed a world of beauty. Her curiosity is limitless. She perseveres until she understands and can put all she has learned about this world - the cruel, the violent, and the compassionate - into a perspective that puts the most altruistic to shame. Yet, she carries deeply hurts that weigh down her love for life. She delights in the beauty of this world - God's handiwork in nature and the animals, art, history, science, music. She creates from almost nothing and is indeed our monarch butterfly, enduring the ardous journey through life with wings that are more fragile than a fairy's breath.
Showing a better way, yes, darlins, the forgiveness you are struggling to give to those who hurt you in your early years, the resliancy you show getting up every morning, the precious hearts of love that get hidden by the shame you carry for someone else's deeds yet struggles to shine at least once every day. Yes, darlins, you show a better way. You both are truly my heroes.
[this is good]
Posted by: Alex | 06/14/2007 at 02:20 PM